Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Ahhh the truth, I can't imagine

I think the most honest thing we can say to someone is, "I can't imagine."

I have friends who have had stillborn children and I can not imagine what one goes through.
I have friends who have children who have chronic illness, I can not imagine what one goes through.
I have friends who have children who are suicidal, I can not imagine what the parents go through, I can imagine what the siblings go through as I have been there.  But I don't KNOW.

Truth is none of us KNOW exactly how the other person feels in the situation, even IF we have been through the same exact thing.  Truth is, we are all made with different emotional triggers, different levels of pain we can handle, different levels of tolerance and let's face it, no one has a freaking book out that tells us how to get over loss or tragedy.

I have someone who told me, the other day, as I was talking about my life and the crap going on, "Well at least it isn't as bad as mine."  WHAT?!?!?!?  In my perspective it is just as bad as yours.

My father is disabled, my mother has an incurable disease that will take her life much too young, our finances are struggling, and I have a sister who may have her own nueromuscular disease happening to her at the tender age of 20, plus 20, plus some.  My life by no means is a cake walk.

People often mistakenly thing, "if you are so spiritual you should be able to handle all of this," really?  Handle all of this?  We all have limits and everyone of us needs to cry.  It's part of the human experience, my spiritual self knows all of this is just an illusion, part of a story I have wanted to live for special lessons.  I am my own personal lesson writer and boy have I written a doozy.

Every person who suffers has the right to suffer.  Every person who cries has the right to cry and hold on to sadness as long as they want.  Never down play another persons emotional self and well being.  Just because you think that they should be okay when there third pet goldfish dies doesn't mean they should be.

My son and daughter are young and are what I call the bounce back kids.  When my foster dog Magic went to his new home, my son and I held each other and cried for a bit.  He then went on with his day and I cried for two more days, oh wait still sometimes crying.  When is Grandfather (my husbands dad) died, he cried, but he will only cry with me.  It is hard to really determine how someone else feels.

That brings me to the lesson, this long winded post that rambles and moves just like a little river.  Truth is, we just never KNOW, we just never understand and we need to apply that not only to when people are going through a hard time, but with people all the time.  Unless you are in a persons head you do not know what they are thinking, you do not know what they are feeling and you certainly can not possibly completely understand their lives.

Yes we have parallels, but that is where it ends, the event is a parallel but what comes from it, thoughts, feelings, and internal dialogue is mainly unique.  Unique in how it happens and unique in how long it happens and unique in how happy or angry it is and just unique.

Be blessed and remember, all we really need in this life, no matter what we are going through is a little love.

Love, not judge and be kind.