Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Living Life and Remember to Breathe

People often believe that I have things figured out.  I am pretty calm, cool, collected and carry myself put together.  Like every other human being I know I have my ups and downs.  I do not like to post my downs all that much.  I try to focus all that is positive but every now and then spirit kicks you in the head and says, "you need to deal with this."

My mother is dying and I haven't made it over there for a thousand different reasons.  Mostly because to me death is not finality and I figure I will never loose her.  In my head I am trying to understand the process of loosing her.  I am also trying to deal with the fact that she is dying an alcoholic.  It is hard for me to accept the pain she has caused me in my life and it took me years to accept that she has to make her own choices and I can choose when to and when not to be a part of those choices.

I stand before you a product of alcoholic mother and an addict father.  I stand before you a person who refuses to be a victim of myself by reacting to peoples actions as personal attacks.  I still fall on my knees many times, facing failure, facing pain inflicted by my fears and weaknesses but usually with in a day or so I bounce back.  Life isn't about not experiencing the range of motions we have been given but allowing ourselves to move past them.  For example, sadness from yesterday does not need to be sadness with me for a week.  I can choose to move past it and see the positive in the next day.  I can accept that I was given a lesson and move forward.

So how does your garden grow?

FYI Please remember, don't hurt others because you are afraid to ask questions and you judge things based on limited facts.  Unless you live in someones shoes you need to not assume and draw conclusions.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012


I have started back on my diet and working out, it is what I call torture.  It is because for every moment I am on that freaking beast of a machine I want to be doing something else.  I do however look forward to the results....  That is what life is about...  What life is about is getting through each moment, struggle.  Some of the best changes come through the most difficult moments in our lives and we do not understand our the benefit of those moments until later.  I am not going to wake up 10 lbs thinner tomorrow (wouldn't that be nice) but in a few weeks, a few months, the changes will be more obvious and I will remember why I did each moment of exercise and went through each struggle.  When people separate or get divorced, they do not see the benefits and how much better their lives are until later on when they meet that right person or develop a new strength in their lives.  When we struggle through the adversity we do not see the light because it isn't at the "end of the tunnel" it is actually even further down the path, it's a new light that renews our spirits and souls.  Be blessed, be blessed, be blessed and tend to your Garden.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Traveling your own path

We all travel our own path, we walk gently at times and we run, searching for the end.  Our travel and path is uniquely our own and we should embrace it.  Just because it is uniquely our own we sometimes think we are alone.  This is not true.  We are always together, connected with others on some level.  We may or may not see these people but they are there walking, running or stopping along side of you.  Just like taking a walk outside you may encounter people you do not know, new people you find a connection with, or cross the path of an old friend.  The journey should be viewed as an adventure and not as an inconvenience.  Though there will be inconveniences, no path is with out a challenge of some sort we need to embrace the journey, those around us, the surroundings and love that which we have with us. 

Someone once said to me that they had no one that loved them, to which I replied, "I love you." To which they replied, "It's not the same."  It isn't?  Love is love is love and we are the only ones who put a definition of how it feels.  I used to say I love my friends the way I love my lovers.  Love is different than sex, when I say I love someone it comes from the most sincerest pure energy that I have inside of me.  Sexual energy we feel for lovers comes from that primal deep throbbing, bass tone in our body.  Love is a higher vibration and is the same no matter who you love.  It fills your heart with joy and happiness. 

Then the balance comes, when you love your friends you do not need to have that bass primal throbbing energy in that relationship.  When you love a partner though you need that.  You need to feel the energy of the Sacral Chakra.  Why is this?  Sex has become a negative in this society, associated with dirty deeds and even those in positive relationships sometimes pull away from this.  There is a need not being fulfilled in a sexless or at least in a relationship where that energy does not pulse at all.  That creates the desire to stay together, to be faithful.  It creates a bond through the energies that is lasting, and can help maintain a pleasurable relationship.  With the right partner this becomes centralized, focused and connected to one person.  If there is a disconnect, usually not just primal but also in the mental awareness then relationships break apart.  I know people who can't commit to one and I often feel that a little chakra alignment can help but it also helps to find the person that is of the same soul, and mind set as you are.  True love will show peoples chakras are almost the same if they do a scan together.  Their auras will balance each other out and not compete. 

Our Journey is meant to be spent giving love to many.  So when you are feeling lonely and feeling unlovable, think of those that love you.  Remember that energy is just as important as the primal energy that you are truly missing.  It is not to say you should stop seeking such energy but you should relish in the love of those around you.  Then once you carry this pure love energy with you; in a bright and beautiful fashion; people will be attracted to you.  You will be able to have that primal energy back with in grasp. 

So how does your Garden grow?  Mine is being weeded out at the moment.  :-)

Sunday, July 22, 2012


Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you are.

Embrace who you are, every moment, every silly thing that comes your way.  Embrace who you are and who you want to be.  Surround yourself with the people that make you feel the best and remember to be the nut once in a while.

I vision

I stood in front of a mirror and spoke;

I do not stand before you as a teacher, I stand before you as a student.
I do not stand before you knowing all the answers, I stand before you asking the questions.
I do not stand before you as someone better, I stand before you as someone lesser
I do not stand before you with words of wisdom, I stand before you with words of confusion
I do not stand because I can, I stand because I have to
I do not speak to lecture, I speak to learn with in myself lessons
I do not, I do not do what you think I do because of why you think I do it
I do it because I have to, and I am the same as you

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Church lights

She stood before the church lights admiring the glow in the evening.  She then walked around and looked at the stained glass, seeing scenes depicted that are not quite what she remembered.  They often make it sound as if Jesus did not cry or scream as he was tortured and he did.  Jesus suffered, but not for us for himself.  He was one of the people who realized his potential and died for his errors in sharing it with the wrong people.  Then we had the witch hunts, and earlier we had people killed for saying the wrong things.  This world has spent so much time judging others when in fact the only ones we should judge is ourselves.  She bent at the cross walked up to a large glass bowl on the alter.  In the bowl she placed her lotus flower and as it opened in front of her Jesus stepped forward and thanked her.  Her soul has crossed many times with his and he has always been willing to save her. 

As I woke from my dream, I knew who I was.  I hope you all remember the lesson and know who you are enough to not judge those around you.  How does your garden grow!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Confronting past lives

I am facing a dilemma of meeting someone that I know I had a past life with.  I am not sure if this individual is aware of this past life but the emotional stuff from that life has come back to taunt me.  I realize that this is something that needs to be put to sleep for me.  I am really just not sure how this is going to help me in my growth this life time.  I am curious to see how a past life relationship that was full of quite a bit of laughter and love showing back up in this life time in a totally different way is going to play out.  Though I know being around the individual from this past life makes me feel peaceful.  So odd....

I am meeting a lot of old friends from past lives and I am starting to watch it all begin to mix and I am curious to see how it all falls into place.  Curiouser and curiouser, that is what I am saying after falling down this rabbit hole.

Be well, be blessed and watch that first step in the Garden, it can be a doozy.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I don't pretend

I can't sit here and pretend I have all the answers for you.  I would never, it isn't who I am.  I am not perfect, I have faults but unlike many I know, I wear mine out for the world to see.  My blog isn't about fixing you, it's about helping you to think and go outside your box or confirm the contents of your box.

I live each day just like the rest of the world.  Each day I wake up and thank MY god for another day.  Each day I grumble and grown about the troubles I have.  I have family troubles, I yell, I scream, and I get angry for no reason.  I cry, I fall to the ground asking why me and let's face it, knowing is not as easy as being in this world.

Truth is we all come into this world to learn, to learn how to be more at peace and some of us never really get there.  I have no plans on coming back for a one millionth life (he he) but I do plan on doing what I was meant to do when I got here, TEACH. 

When I was fifteen I started looking into Metaphysical colleges, they didn't really have them at that point.  I looked into understanding who I was.  I was blessed that for me I started searching early. 

Now, I have been given a very stressful existence, all work, no play makes me a dull girl....  I am so focused on working and making money in this world that it is driving me bonkers and making me a bit stressed.  I am learning, slowly through this last year, how to breathe and enjoy each moment I do get. 

We are all learning, tending to our gardens, finding new weeds. 
These gardens are massive and just when you think you got one area just the way you want weeds may sneak back in and you go back. 

People often say don't look to the past and stay present.
If we never dealt with something that hurt us in the past it is going to keep coming back, so yes, sometimes you have to face the past, turn around and yell at the top of your lungs.  "I DO NOT ACCEPT YOU IN MY LIFE ANYMORE, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME HAS MADE ME WHO I AM NOW AND I CAN BE ANYONE I WANT IN THE FUTURE." 

I have spent my life being belittled, not good enough, I battle that every day.  Having people praise me honestly makes me uncomfortable but it is the very thing someone like me needs to keep moving forward.  I need to remember that I have value in this world.  We all do, we all have a purpose. 

I am blessed with a new group of beautiful friends, like minded friends, my circle has grown so much.  For so long I had NO ONE.  For well over 17+ years I have had only one friend, and she moved to and from the state, so many years I was alone.  I cried, always feeling so alone, until one day I realized, none of us are really alone.

I always said, quality not quantity and to this day, I mean it.  I just didn't know that there was a quantity of quality friends out there.

A friend Theresa gave me a healing bear on Sunday, made me cry.
My friend Peggi from Church, hugged me, I began to cry.
My friend Sonia gave me a card, made me cry.
In the end, I am crying not because I am sad, but am loved so deeply. 

I am blessed in countless ways and every time I laugh, cry and am with these beautiful women, many of these beautiful women, I am healing. 

Be blessed, be loved and tend your garden, because no one else can do the work for you.

(Wow, I made no spelling errors, unless the spell check is broken!  he he)

Monday, July 9, 2012

Something that is bugging me....

So much misinformation out there, how do we know who is telling the truth. 

So growth with spirituality is the same as anything else, we develop and at some point we stop be it because of our own fears, or we have reached what feels right for us, and/or maybe we have died.  Just like those who take Karate, you go as far as you want to, you can keep going or you stop when you feel you have achieved what you are seeking. 

I love watching Ghost Hunting shows, Psychic Detective and other various interesting shows because they amuse me.  Well, I was not so amused by Dead Files on the Travel Channel the other night.

So what happened that had me less than amused?

A family called the detective and Psychic in to help with a Haunted House problem.  She does a walk through and starts cussing out people who communicate with the dead, "come talk to me, come on, come talk to me."  Stating that encouraging the spirits to communicate traps them here.

First of all, UGH, second of all, UGH.  When she is questioned as to why the person she drew was actually the individual who committed the murders verses a real victim she makes an excuse.  "Well she is still killing and she has spirit trapped in their death state.  They are stuck here suffering."  She goes on to make this weird long winded explanation that she is either using the deads suffering to grow stronger so she can kill or she is living in her own purgatory suffering the way they suffered.  Another bang my head against the desk moment.

So I meditated and I asked spirit, "In anyway am I causing harm to you or to the others I talk to?"
"No," I got clear as day.

I have been shown since I was small that they can travel wherever they want and whenever they want.
Please remember, I have had an NDE, I experienced death and I know what the difference is for me.  I know what it is like there and feel a strong connection.

So wait, let me bullet point this and make my life easier.

1.  If someone dies suddenly or violently they may not realize they are dead, they then are confused and can sometimes hang around sites and location looking for answers.  They are not suffering in a physical sense but they are trying to figure out why people can't see them.  It is frustrating to say the least.

2.  Some events are so violent and require so much energy that they get trapped in a location and replay.  We, or a physical medium, can experience that and also feel what their death was like.  This can feel like they are trapped but it is the energy of the moment, not them. 

3.  By us communicating with spirit we do not trap them here.  There are two types we usually come into contact, those who have passed and are living their "lives" on the other side, and those that are lost.  The ones that are lost are eager to talk to us and can often find their release once communication has been open.  Those that travel in between to communicate are happy to do so. 

I like to equate it to having a Skype conversation, for those who do not know what this is, it is a program where you talk through your computer via a web cam. 

I have been doing these for years and have never had a spirit get "stuck" with me and have NEVER had spirits left behind at peoples homes, unless they are already there.  I find it hard to accept this thought process.  Some of the more gifted mediums I have talked to, those who are more highly evolved have the same opinion as I do.

Yes energies get left behind, negative ones, but they are nothing more than energy and all energy can be molded and changed to find purity and happiness.

So yes, I am off my soap box.

How does your Garden Grow?

Monday, July 2, 2012

No I can not make your house haunted....

This is the second time I have come across this belief or concern.

I have never done readings for people and left their house haunted.

I am not doing any of the following:
1.  Using a Ouija Board
2.  Seance
3.  Doing a Circle calling in spirit to give us a sign of the presence  (Similar to a SEance but different)

So that being said, please understand that I work with those who want to communicate with you, they are loved ones who want to say hello, give you advice or just offer up words of kindness.  They are not there to haunt your house, blow out your plumbing or open and close doors.  Actually, poltergeist activity is brought on by our own negative energy in ourselves and unresolved issues.

So yeah, I am not bringing the dead to a new location to move in.  They don't want to, I swear!