Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Pain is a moment

HEART ACHE         


My beautiful son is 14 experienced his first break up.  The emotional struggle the same as any adult going through a break up, divorce, etc.  Children feel pain just as strongly as we do.  Their relationships may not be as physically and emotionally mature as ours but the love is real.  I am tired of the concept of pain and hurt having expirations days and should vary in degrees based on how long you have known each other.  Surely the loss of a mother is harder than the loss of a partner.  This is not true, this is not true at all.








All are crushed in one moment.  In one small moment a good bye can have a devastatingly emotional impact on your life.


When someone comes to me grieving from any kind of loss the first thing I say is, “your grief is unique to you and we may or may not experience grief in the same way.”  There are tools and tricks to help move through grief but truth of the matter is grief can stick around for days, months, years, a century.  I worked with a client whose husband died 10 years ago and she still could not let it go.

Tricks to moving forward:  

Focus on positive things

Focus on friends

Focus on family you have.

No one persons’ heartache is harder or worse than any other persons.  We need to let others experience it how ever they need to.  Breathe and help them through it simply by being there.  Let them breathe into the pain.  I always say that, “breathe into the pain.”  We need to learn to just breathe and experience the pain, experience the moment for what it is.  Each moment is different and will be completely new.  So let it happen, let it be felt.  Then we learn how to navigate through the future pains.




One of the things I have struggled with is trying to remember that I have CHOICE in this world.


So I can let someone calling me a narcissist as a blow and cry about it.  I could try to change their mind, or I could just accept that it is one persons’ opinion and their opinions about who I am does not define me. 




From the moment we are born we are seeking our parents to help us.  We seek their approval as young children, in our teens we seek the approval of our peers, teachers, than fellow employees, bosses, etc.  We constantly try to seek the approval of others, why?


Because this is how we are raised.  It isn’t any fault, it is in our nature to seek the approval of others.  I believe it goes back to the entire hierarchy in humans that exists in the animal kingdom.  If you are not approved of or accepted you are many times kicked out of the group and left to fend for yourself.  That could spell certain death in the wild.  (This is not a scientific study I read this is from my own personal observation.)


So as we use our primitive chimp brain which I will call our human side.  Then there is the soul who just craves love, peace and compassion.  I feel most empaths or sensitive will say that this can and will breaks our hearts during times of distress and struggle not only in our lives but around the world.  We have to seek a reason.  We are constantly wondering why people like us who try to spread joy, love are so often harshly judged.  We do one thing that is not deemed spiritual we are attacked for being human.  It doesn’t make sense.


As I was meditating one day I had Jesus say to me, “we all fall short of others expectations.  The higher they place us the easier it is to fall down.  That is why it is important to define yourself as human first and foremost.” 


Guess what, I am human. 

Welcome to humanity. 

I am not some angel.

I am not some guardian.

I am first and foremost a human here to learn lessons.

Perfection is no human beings to claim.

Be comfortable with your failures.

If people don’t like you walk away.

It’s their filters, their problem and somehow you were part of their lesson.

If you know you do all you can for the good of humanity and the moments of human nature have snuck in and they judged you, it’s time to walk away.

Be brave in your skin.

Strive to follow your SOULS requests.

Be okay with others judgements, we do not need their approval. 

We need only have approval of our own soul.