Tuesday, March 17, 2015

It's them NOT you

Today I got my feelings hurt.  To hear that people have said negative things about you to others yet they talk kindly to your face it hurts.  We all have done it at times and it happens but it doesn't take away from the person who feels the sting of our "bad" day.

What happens though when people do this consistently? 

What happens when people constantly hurt us?

What is important to recognize is that when we say something about someone it isn't about them it's about us.  It's about us deflecting something we don't like about ourselves onto them.
I can not tell you how many times I hear people say they hate Drama and yet they are constantly miserable, people are horrible and they are the victim.  We are not victims we are casualties of some other persons lack of love or maybe in some cases their own narcissism. 

Today I became a casualty. 

A casualty of people who have a different definition of friendship.
A casualty to loose words and actions with no forefront.
A casualty of some other persons bad day.

That knowledge helped very little at the time I reacted.

Every ones reactions are different, but mine went as follows.

Anger "Assholes how could they..."
Frustration "Why is no one saying to them, talk to her, be an adult."
Anger  (Misguided to the people who heard the bad words and not defending me.)
Internalized Sadness "Maybe I am a horrible person."
Outward Sadness (tears and more tears, how can so called friends not just come to me.  Do they think so little of me.  I love these people and I have been hurt.)
Recognition  (It's them not me)

It took me about 6 hours to get to the last one.  Six hours of an emotional roller coaster that I didn't want nor did I need.  Six hours of me thinking poorly of others and then of myself.


Why in the world, with all the knowledge I have did I spend six hours on this?


We are human, we all want to be liked.  We all want to be valued by others as much as we value them.  We want to be valued by others as much as we value ourselves.  In the long run though,  in order to value ourselves the most we need to rise above the attacks others put on us.


We can not always please everyone.
We may occasionally say something that offends someone, if it happens and we are not a total ass then we should say, "I am sorry it was not meant to hurt you."
We can not protect others feelings. 
We are human and it's okay to run with all of the emotions we need to to heal but...

We should try to rise above.

In order to do so we must understand....

Humans are by nature selfish.  We may do selfless acts but we do selfless acts because it makes us feel good about ourselves.  We are all selfishly human.  In some ways my blogs are selfish too, I am trying to impart my wisdom to others and in the same time remind myself of what I hear and learn.

Humans do things not TOO us usually but "FOR THEMSELVES". 

So when someone talks behind your back it is probably to vent or get a perspective that "agrees" with their feelings.  As humans we want to be validated constantly.

When a human pushes you out of their life it's for their own benefit not to ruin your life.  Yet we take it sooo personally, "HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!"  Not, "I see you need something else to make you happy."  After all, by admitting you were not enough for someone you are not validating your "I am good enough" need.

Truth is, the sooner we learn that we need to validate ourselves the sooner that peoples lack of validation won't impact our emotions so deeply. 

"You don't want me any longer in your life.  I see, I did the best I could and I will find someone who will accept me for what I can offer not be hurt by what I didn't offer." 

So today I want you to validate yourself.

I am good enough.
I am a positive person.
I give enough love.
I give enough time.
I am compassionate.
I am kind.
I am enough.
I am enough for me. 
That is all I can be.
I am good enough.

I see you, I love you.

How does your Garden Grow?

I found some pests in mine, but they need to eat too, so I gently moved them over to other plants I don't worry so much about. 

Monday, March 16, 2015


I often have readings and spirit expresses me to tell folks, "it is time for change."

What is change.


A super scary word that has a foreboding feeling.  Leaving one to possibly feel hopeless, lost and unable to move forward. 


A word I wish would be banished from the English language.


The things we face when we try to make changes.


A far better explanation as to why we can't change. 

I have often been the bringer of news such as, move, get divorced, get married, have a tough conversation, remove folks from your life, avoid toxicity and various other tidbits of advice.

I always get asked, "But HOW?" 

There are a hundred reasons:
I don't have money.
I don't have a car.
I don't have friends.
I don't have family.
I don't have a pot to piss in.
I don't have a safe place.
I don't have support.
I don't have insurance.
I don't have a lawyer.
I don't have time.

Change sucks.


No one says, "Hey I want to feel sad, depressed, alone or like I don't matter."
No one says, "Hey I want people to judge me, watch me fall or watch me fail."
No one says, "Hey I am going to do this and if I fail that will feel AWESOME!"

Humans don't say these things.  We tend to focus on, "we want to feel happy all the time." 
If we are in a miserable situation though are we ever feeling happiness?
There is a level of discomfort that comes from change and in general most humans seek that emotion called happiness.

Happiness often only comes when you change your perception and change your way of being.  That often means removing people, places or things that cause pain in your heart and soul.

I challenge you to NOT use EXCUSES, but use REASONS you are stuck in an unhappy situation. Once you know your REASONS, REAL REASONS, then start to figure out how you can change your situation.  A little step at a time.  I don't care if you collect cans and start turning them in and hiding money to move forward.  Look into programs that may help you if you are financially stuck or disabled.  More people will help you than you think, reach out to folks.  Whatever you do, don't bitch at the people who help you that no one helps you.  Don't complain 24/7 about your situation, try to find moments with in it to find peace and happiness.  Find other ways to find peace and happiness and don't let bad friendships, relationships, work issues over shadow your entire life. 

Find a moment to find joy.

Happiness does not last forever, but it is always available if you seek it.

How does your Garden Grow?

Mine needs a little water.  ;-)

Sunday, March 8, 2015

I see you, I LOVE YOU

Today I had did a service at my church.  I was talking about how the negativity around us has become so magnified lately.  That we need to start with love and change the world.  I printed out all of these papers that said, "Welcome, I love you," or "Welcome, you are beautiful" or "Welcome, you are generous."  The point was to receive a positive affirmation in regards to their soul. 

I see you, I love you.

In this world of imperfect things, yet there is a desire for perfection.  This is the most absurd concept.  Perfection is an abstract concept anyway, what is deemed perfection for me is not perfection for someone else.  Truth is, nothing and no one is perfect.

I see you, I love you.

What is perfect is our soul.

Our soul is a perfect soul and our battle is the imperfect human form which we exist in.  Some call this world a grand illusion and in some ways it is.  It is however, much more than an illusion.  It is an illusion we all are part of so we need to do the best we can with this "illusion" and make it enjoyable.  Some believe in fighting and war but what if we stopped believe in it and just became the love.  Hmmmm, curious right.  How would we exist in the world if everything was just love.

I see you, I love you.

This becomes difficult as in general we rarely love ourselves let alone unconditionally love others.  In the end, as my other post said previous, how can we love others if we don't love ourselves.  The key to your morning is to wake up and say, "I love me, imperfections and all.  My ego and my soul are loved as I journey through this world and learn my lessons."  If we can learn this we are golden.  If we can embrace this we are growing. 

So when I say, "I see you, I love you."  What I am saying is, "I see your imperfections and I love your soul none the less." 

Take your time and feel the beauty inside of you. 

How does your Garden Grow.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Blog Inspired by the Letter L, The Word Love, The emotion Fear and soul perfection






Did you ask me to love you?


Did I ask you to love me?


Did you ask your family to LOVE YOU?


Have you asked any of your partners to love you?

We don’t think much about it do we?  Through science we hear that the emotion of love comes through our Livers.  So does that mean someone who is an alcoholic is incapable of Love when their liver starts to die?  I have not witnessed this from the alcoholics I have known.  If anything I see that they often suffer because of the deepness of their love and pain from disappointing the family.  Maybe the liver filters love?  Who knows but let us move on from the body because, so much of our bodies potential is yet to be unlocked. 

Some people believe that LOVE is an easy thing.  It is in certain instances I suppose. 

Maybe it’s easy when we fall in love with a partner or we love our family. 


The question is can you love an evil person? 

Can you love someone who has wronged you, your family? 

Can that love continue despite the pain they have inflicted on your heart? 

Can you love your friends deeply and passionately no matter your sexual preference? 

Can you love everyone and still not like them?

How about the times we break up though, do we still love them? 


The basic answer is yes. 

The more complicated answer is it takes time to learn to love so freely and accept that you can love those you don’t like.  The simple rule to this basic principle is this; we don’t’ focus on the love of the ego, you are connecting to and loving their soul.  You are seeing the purity of them.  All of us are connected and all of our souls are intertwined so when you love yourself unconditionally it becomes easier to love others because you see pieces of you in them. 

It is hard for people to grasp that we all have a purpose; every soul comes with a mission.  An example of we all have a purpose is through a question I often get asked, “Why the soul would get stuck on earth?”  We all have a purpose and there is a balance of lessons and processing time.  The balance needs to be maintained.  How would someone like me learn about my ability if there were not a few ghosts hanging around to harass me?  How would I grow if they never spoke to me?  They were my first contact with the other side, now I talk more to the higher level spirits.  We also have mass lessons for a larger portion of humanity through natural disasters and large scale deaths scenarios like 9/11.  There are private lessons, death, abuse, partners who cheat, and the list goes on.  Each of these lessons help tot each us about love. 

When I meet a soul that is left behind I give them love.  When a soul is angry, hurtful, dark, I send them love because I know they are in the middle of a job or lesson for either me or someone else who has encountered them.  One of our biggest lessons that we don’t get here is to love not judge.  Perfection is not attainable in this great land of earth.  Love however, can never be anything other than perfect.  Now here is where it gets rather tricky, this love thing.  It becomes clouded by our ego, our earthly teachings through family, religion, moral growth whatever that may be.  

One of the things I have always believed when it came to Jesus is that he was the example of how to love those, even those that harm you.  No matter how much someone hurts us, if we remember to love them for the lesson they have provided us we can move forward.  We can start healing.  Love is what is healing for us.

Where does that go though?   

Here are things I do not want for you with this concept of loving others. 

Do not keep an abusive ex in your life because you love them.

Do not allow your family members to abuse you because you love them.

Do not allow love to hold you to any situations that causes you physical, emotional/psychological harm.   

What I do want you to do?  All I want is for you to love yourself enough to walk away.  Then love them and the lesson they have given you.  Love them for the opportunity for your growth.   

When you are done with that, send love to people you don’t know.  You know that homeless person, oh sure they smell like a bottle of vodka, and they haven’t washed in months.  Does that mean that they should not experience acts of love?  If you give them money and they spend it on booze who are you to judge?  Can you love them unconditionally enough to understand that their ego brought them there?  Can you bring them food, or a kind word.  Maybe a new pair of shoes would help them.  Loving humanity unconditionally becomes a huge work in progress.  

I always had a fascination with Serial Killers.  Not because I like the macabre or the insane but rather I think, they most have been loved by someone.  Someone must look at them and say, “I see you; I see your soul in there.  I get it.”  The soul came here to teach us a lesson, to be a part of something bigger.  Do we ever see it in the moment?  I had a client who was so depressed her fiancĂ© cheated, and she was left alone, broken dreams.  About a year later she met the most amazing man who was amazing and she said to me, “you were right, I would have missed this if I married that.”   

Listen, I know it’s hard but love leads to forgiveness.  We are faced with challenges to grow.  I have the unfortunate instinct to love ALL HUMANS but I definitely do NOT LIKE all humans. 




LOVE yourself

Others will love you

You will love others

When people do you wrong send love to them (may not happen right away trust me)

Thank them for the lesson

Move on

Move on and

Oh and our ego makes us fear love, believing that makes us vulnerable.  It does if we do not know how to love people despite their faults and love the lessons they give us. 
Instead of using the word "forgive" perhaps we should use the word love.  "I love that I have a chance to grow because you are a jack ass."
It's hard to see through the filter of pain, fear, hurt, distrust and other negative emotions but it can happen.  LOVE it really is the key to everything.
How does your Garden Grow?