Monday, February 28, 2011
Off to drop off my resume.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I find this to be true of me, not in an arrogant sense, but in a very real sense. I can get lost in a grocery store, I live inside of my head quite a bit and I loose track of time. To me, time is not fluid enough. Now you might say that time is very fluid, it is in constant motion, thus pushing us forward to another day. HOWEVER, my opinion is this, fluid, if I was to go into a pool, the water around me is in constant motion, yet I stand still and it still supports me. It does not steal anything away from me or force me forward. I could choose to float or sink in a pool, thus essentially choosing to stay and relax in one place and float around in different locations as I please or sink to the bottom and move around. Whatever I choose to do the water shifts with me, bring new water with me and taking old water back. Okay so that is hard for some to grasp.
To me what is happening now essentially may as well have happened last week or next week. Time has little to no meaning and the things on this earth lack realism. This is more cartoonish than I could explain to anyone. I said something when I was younger that makes sense now to me, "My dreams are my reality and my reality is just a dream." That is pretty much how I function.
This is my explanation as to why I have not been posting. Oddly enough my world seems to be in a state of chaotic movement and yet it is stagnant. I am loosing track of time. Hours are gone from my day and I am not sure where they go. I say this as I look at the clock switching over to 11:13pm.
Holy late night batman.
The other thing that has been baffling me lately is ME. Working as a spiritual person with others, I often feel less than. Why is that? Not because of anything anyone has ever said but because I am afraid one day it is all going to go away. Weird eh?
I have been trying to manifest stuff for me, it isn't working. I think perhaps I have some blocks up that are super ingrained from childhood. I think I have the, "I don't deserve," "someone better than I should have," "maybe someone else could use this more than I can," "people don't really want to help me succeed." People always pushed me down, I never had support and the support I did have was manipulative. So the question is, how do we get rid of negative self talk.
Meditate and ask for it to be removed. I feel like good things are just around the corner but sometimes, the corner just seems so far away. Somedays, despite how connected to the universal "god" I feel, I feel trapped in some craptastic story line that I just can't change.
Change is coming, I need to focus on that and stop being a poo poo head! How is that for enlightening. Why am I spilling my GUTS? BECAUSE I HAVE A POINT!
Yah for having a point!
The point is we all have lessons we are working through. We all have some great hurdle to cross and mine is self esteem. Mine is self worth and self appreciation and self. Mine is believing in who I am. I think in some ways that is very true for everyone, believing in who they are. Believing in something, just believing. We all have lessons, that is what this earth plane is about, and we can all get over them and move forward. WE can and WE will, if we work together in spiritual cohesiveness.
Friday, February 18, 2011
I there is a new song by Lady Gaga, of all people, that just came out on the radio and it basically states, "You are beautiful because God doesn't make mistakes." Isn't that true? How often do we feel like we are not beautiful.
This is the negative self talk many people fight with daily....
1. I am NOT pretty enough.
2. I hate my hair it's too curly, too straight, too thin, too thick, falling out.
3. I hate my nose, lips, eyes, ears, etc
4. I am fat
5. I am too skinny
6. No one will love me because I am not beautiful.
Truth is, sad as it is, on this earth our ego dictates much of what we say to ourselves. I have been battling my weight for years now and I put value of beauty in my weight. Once I started to see myself as beautiful inside, I started ot adjust my thinking and yes I am still taking the weight off but to be healthy. I am already beautiful after all.
I at times obsess about things I view as flaws, my butt, my eyes, my nose, lips, my teeth, my etc, etc, etc. We all do, it is impossible to keep ego out all the time when ego drives business and advertising. How can I not feel less than.......
How can we all start feeling beautiful?
Touch in with spirit, meditate, ask your guides to show you what your beauty is.
I have a beautiful friend who forgets her beauty I believe. Beauty does not just come out through ones physical appearance, it is more than body. She radiates beauty through the things she makes, through the person she is, she is soft, gentle and beautiful. Sure if she pulls out her human ego she can find faults, if she connects to Jesus, she is perfect. She is perfect and I love her for all of her perfectness and even her egos lack of perfectness. We need to love ourselves for our perceived faults, or we go crazy, that is what unconditional love is.
I sometimes sit in front of the mirror and look at myself. I at first focus in on the body, then upward, the face, the mouth, nose, ears, eyes and once I get to the eyes I see. I see it clearly as I focus in on the eyes, beauty.
Now that is not because I have the most beautiful eyes, but because with my eyes I see the soul. I see the soul of others and I do not see their short comings, though conciously my ego can find them, I push that aside and see their beauty. Beauty is not skin deep, it is the energy we give off, the connections we make, the unique person we are.
So when we wake up today we need to say, "Hello BEAUTIFUL~ Glad you could make it."
Shut the door on ego early, ego will bother you less through the day.
Applaud your beauty, I know I do. I applaud all the beautiful people in my life.
Blessed am I with current friends and future friends.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I am left with a sense of randomness often times when I am planning these out. I sit down and plan on what I am going to talk about and on the way there the message changes. Lately I have been seeing people sitting in the back of my car, call them spirits, angels, guides, other peoples dead relatives, figments of my imagination, I could careless, the name, the position means less to me than the commentary that takes place in my head.
Often times I hear this conversation, for those of you who wonder about this it is hard to explain. I do not hear different voices, it's my own, but then there are images, sensations, I can even sometimes smell things, it is hard to explain. Anyway, these random things come to me and I end up throwing out the entire original post, the original reading and I realized something. This something is vitally important to me....
THERE IS NO ORIGINAL
These messages are not about me, they are not about healing myself, though at times they do, they are about healing others. When I do something inspirational it often has a two fold purpose, one to remind myself of important life lessons but more so they tend to speak to some people directly.
I often say what I do is automatic writing and/or automatic speaking. Though at times it appears I put a ton of thought into what I say, truth is I just let it flow. My brain purges however it chooses to and often times it purges things just right.
Last Sunday I spoke about looking at what we have and not focusing on what we don't. That we only bring on suffering by concentrating on the past and focusing too steadfast on the future. We forget to enjoy the moments in our life that are good and right. Sure we all have difficulties, who doesn't, but the fact of the matter is we can accept our lessons graciously or whine, pout and stomp our feet like spoiled children. "But I am so connected to God, how could he do this to me." So what level of importance are you placing on yourself that you think God is out to get you exactly?
I started this journey living in a haunted house. Back in the day I didn't have the Ghost Hunters to help me out. The Warrens were out there but there was no Internet to find help. We lived in a house of voices, chairs moving and beds shaking. We lived in a house of people walking up and down the stairs and when I was young I had to make sense of this. When I was eight and attacked by the dog, I nearly died, I had to make sense of what happened to me. Not only did I warn my mother the day I was attacked by the dog that it would happen, due to a dream I had, but I also had to face the fact of touching what many people call Heaven. For being a part of that for just a moment. I lived much of my teen years regretful that I did not die, not understanding the greater purpose I have here. Right here, this is where I belong right now, not just to raise my children but to help others.
I have grown a spiritual garden around me, drawing in like minded people. I don't care if people don't like what I have to say or if they think I am crazy. Truth is this connects with some, things I say are not meant for everyone every day. I trust in the messages being given to me at any given moment.
My church has helped me come to grips with the part of my life I have denied at times. The part of my life that was frightening at times. The part of my life that many of my family members would not understand at times.
I know a lot more then I tell people, I put up walls so as not to be overloaded by other peoples crap. Honestly though, sometimes I stay wide open because the spirits often times offer me the more comfort then some human counter parts.
When I was a teenager I often said that I was an Angel that God forgot about. I realize now that I am still that Angel, I wasn't forgotten, I just forgot how to spread my wings.
Information below about my church.
It is a church, like any other church, it has politics BUT there is something beautiful about the people. When the people come together and create something of such beauty and purpose, it is the most gracious, beautiful feeling of love one can experience. That being said, you should come.http://newingtonspiritualistchurch.org
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
We all have faith in something, God, Universe, Energy, Jesus, The Spaghetti Monster, Science, etc, etc. We all build a grain of knowledge, something, a seed is planted, it grows, it blossoms, it changes through death but in rebirth often more plants grow. Nothing with spirituality is constant, it is changing because we change as we learn and grow.
Many people don't believe in psychics or mediums, some do, and you know, that is okay. One thing I have learned though as I do readings for people is that we all crave the same thing.
Not just accepting ourselves, or others accepting us, but the acceptances that not a single one of us is perfect. To recognize that all of our faults make us beautiful. We need to accept that to truly live, to truly love, to truly be able to laugh at ourselves. Those who are most angry and nasty have forgotten what love is, what acceptance is, what beauty is, they have just forgotten what it means to be connected to something other then self.
That is what is great about my spiritual beliefs. My belief is that the energy of this universe creates all things, that Jesus was like all of us, made of millions of tiny atoms that grew into this amazing man who could heal. He said, "and this you too can do, only greater." We forget the truest of lessons from Jesus, from Buddha, from any Deity, god or goddess, or even piece of spaghetti, that is LOVE and ACCEPTANCE. When we have those two things we can be amazing.
I have a friend I met online, her daughter was born around the same time as mine. Her daughter has faced health adversities that would make some adults fall into a pile of whining goo. You know what, she smiles and she does what she needs to do. She lives moment to moment and flourishes with the greatest of lights around her. She is truly connected to the Angels above because despite what she faces she is filled with love and light. So many children are like that, those who have to face bitter health battles, often even more so. Because their health is so frail they live closer to the light than any of the rest of us.
I remember when I almost died as a child, I was left feeling vulnerable when I came back to this plane and level of existence. I felt betrayed by God, but now I realize, now I realize what I am here for. It isn't about me, my existence and life has never been about ME, it's about ME AND, and with out me it would just be an AND with no story to follow.
We are all precious gifts to each other, we should truly live this way.
I have been a Super Hero in my life, have you? Make a difference in someones life, it is so easy. A simple hello, a hug, a kind word, just simply be, because you are a blessing to someone.
At times I find these profound thoughts come into my head and I post them to facebook. However, I feel like I can add to this and create more space to reach more people.