People often believe that I have things figured out. I am pretty calm, cool, collected and carry myself put together. Like every other human being I know I have my ups and downs. I do not like to post my downs all that much. I try to focus all that is positive but every now and then spirit kicks you in the head and says, "you need to deal with this."
My mother is dying and I haven't made it over there for a thousand different reasons. Mostly because to me death is not finality and I figure I will never loose her. In my head I am trying to understand the process of loosing her. I am also trying to deal with the fact that she is dying an alcoholic. It is hard for me to accept the pain she has caused me in my life and it took me years to accept that she has to make her own choices and I can choose when to and when not to be a part of those choices.
I stand before you a product of alcoholic mother and an addict father. I stand before you a person who refuses to be a victim of myself by reacting to peoples actions as personal attacks. I still fall on my knees many times, facing failure, facing pain inflicted by my fears and weaknesses but usually with in a day or so I bounce back. Life isn't about not experiencing the range of motions we have been given but allowing ourselves to move past them. For example, sadness from yesterday does not need to be sadness with me for a week. I can choose to move past it and see the positive in the next day. I can accept that I was given a lesson and move forward.
So how does your garden grow?
FYI Please remember, don't hurt others because you are afraid to ask questions and you judge things based on limited facts. Unless you live in someones shoes you need to not assume and draw conclusions.
No comments:
Post a Comment