Poetry

A poem of mine is being published in a magazine called Bellespirit
Check them out at Bellespirit.com

Also be on the look out for some new postings.

I have been insanely busy and it's time for reflection and information.

I have been informed they have a lot to share.

Be blessed and remember:

This time of year is so hard on so many people.  Suicide rates go up before and after the holidays.  I ask that you take that moment to reach out to someone you know is having a difficult time and offer them love.  Offer them a warm place to let go of that which burdens them.  Do not let any one be alone with out offering them a chance not to be alone.  We can not save the world but we can give love when someone is lacking.  We can give hope where there is none.  Sometimes people just need to have that moment where they feel they matter to someone.

Celeste

Medium Misconceptions

I see everything

With out my eyes

I touch everything

With just my mind

Question me if you will

But I will still fly 

Celeste Lamarre-Vernale

12/2/2013

 

Medium Misconceptions

 

I write this with trepidation, not wanting to ruin the idea of being a Medium.  Here is part of my story you will rarely hear me talk about. 

            My name is Celeste; I am a person who carries a controversial title.  This title was given to me by the human population, which is limited to the confines of the human mind.  I am called a Medium.  Through my childhood I struggled to understand the human in the most basic of ways.  Since I was small I had a knowing about people.  I knew things I shouldn’t know.  I am not talking the light and happy things only, I am talking deep inside.  I could see into the depth of others souls and into the depth of others egos.  I would touch into the darkest recesses of the ego, the place in which we hide the things which we do not like to talk about.  In that way I have suffered the greatest. By suffer I simply mean experienced others pain.      

            I will tell you how my story started based on what I know and pieces I have put together.  The amazing truth is the day I died was also the day I was born.  I was born dead in many ways, yet more alive than most around me.  Some say we pick our family situations, our life lessons before we get here.  I always joke that it’s a fill in the bubble sheet and I checked off what I didn’t want as a joke.  The only problem is I didn’t erase the marks well enough.  I am pretty sure I chose to be a princess somewhere high in the mountains and to have nothing but beautiful scenery around me and beautiful people to speak with.  To be with only the highest and divine, funny as I type that I can hear that if that is what I want I would have had to stay in Heaven.

            I grew up wise beyond my years.  In a family of dysfunction I felt abnormal.  I could feel the changes coming on in my life.  I knew when shit would hit the fan.  With out divulging the secrets of my siblings and parents I am going to leave it at that.  My childhood was filled with laughter and tears.  I became the counselor at an early age for my family.  I also spent a lot of time playing with the fairy folk in our blackberry brambles.  I sang to the angels and danced in the clouds in my head.  I rarely spent much time on the earth unless I was with my family or friends.  (I call my imagination my own little world, my own universe; it is part of my heaven.)

            Being born with what I refer to as a marked soul leaves us open to a lot of drama, chaos and strange happenings.  It also creates a level of frustration remembering that at one point I could fly, my body has always felt like a heavy burden to me.  One of the many reasons I seem to mistreat it.  Hear I open my soul in the most vulnerable way to you.

I hate to even share some of this with you.  I at no point want to seem like I am not grateful for my gifts, I am.  You have to understand the three ways I get treated on a daily basis.

1. Fraud:  I scam people out of money
2. Crazy:  I have obvious mental health problems and want to seem more important than others by speaking with the dead, angels, Jesus, Buddha, etc, etc, etc
3. Gifted:  I have a God given gift but even with the acknowledgement of the fact I am gifted comes misconceptions as to what I do. 

I spent time talking with a therapist as a child.  Telling her things I knew about her, what happened on a daily basis.  The voices, the smells, the constant nightmares that I am being chased by the dead, and last but not least the heaviness I carried knowing when someone would die or something bad was going to happen.  Not just a Medium, I am a psychic, I am a clairvoyant, and I am a physical medium which means I experience the pain of those who have passed and even those who are living.  When I was a preteen and teenager the therapist said to me, “well the voices are not threatening you or tell you to kill others, you are not schizophrenic.  You have no disorders that I can see other than dealing with anxiety.”

That is not the answer I wanted! 

I wanted the doctor to make it go away.  I wanted them to tell me that there was a cure.  I wanted them to understand how awful it was to see into people and see who they really were inside and to know how pure and beautiful their soul is and wanted their ego to be.  I wanted to literally die and return to God!  MY GOD!!  Clarity would be mine.  (Just a note, there is a part I have left out when I was 8 years old I had a nightmare about being attacked by a dog, that day I was, they stopped counting stitches at 2000.  My face, my arm and my ass were torn open, all I remember was being in the arms of love, being embraced by warmth during the experience.  I watched it happen from above and I begged to stay with them that day.  I remember it vividly and I had no pain during the attack and very little blood loss.) 

I became a very serious person, I didn’t laugh much and I found humor to be annoying.  Didn’t anyone else see what I saw?  Every day I saw the destruction of human spirit, the soul suffering amongst anger and hatred.  I watched as those around me didn’t understand in the real God, didn’t have faith in anything and I suffered for them.  I was young and foolish as many of the “gifted” children are growing up.   

I have waited for years for a scientific explanation as to what this is.  Science needs to tell me what this is, this gift, this vision, this view of the world and this knowing.  How can I tell you about your Grandmother and her favorite quilt if I know NOTHING about you?  I know nothing about my clients when they first come to me.  How do I know that their brother killed himself?  How do I know these moments of pain in your life?  Why am I gifted the ability to help you to heal?  Why is it my job to take the burden of guilt, doubt or sadness off of people’s shoulders?  WHY ME GOD DAMNIT WHY ME!!!! 

Again this is not to seem ungrateful at all.  I love that I help people heal, I love that I help others find peace inside an unmerciful mind.  Before I started actually following my gift and calling I thought this way, the why me in my head.  Now, I say why not you!   

I spent most of my life hiding from who I was.  Afraid to tell people, judgment, loss of friends, and no one really wanted to know me for me.  I can’t keep being who I am in fear and hiding.  Even as an adult I still hide.  It feels like a constant witch trial in my head.  I get so tired of the “prove yourself” crap or other bogus bullshit I have to deal with.  I am not here to prove myself I am here to help those who want me to. I believe that spirit will lead them to me, that God will have them call me.  I do not advertise to make the most money possible, I wait, and I wait for them to come to me. 

Knowing that death and life coexist moment by moment can at times be maddening.  I do carry a heaviness of knowing the final fate of humanity.  I do carry a heaviness knowing that I can not get every soul to live a loving, kind, judgment free life.  To know that people look at me like I am two shades of crazy, waiting for the call I am in the psych ward.  Perhaps if I just took meds this would all go away.   

If I just took the meds to make it all go away I guess I was be normal, but where is the gift in that?  I guess, no matter how hard the process was to get to where I am at now I am blessed.  I love what I do now and even though the heaviness still hangs around, spirit brought me back around to humor.  Everything happens for a reason, neuroscientists or neuropsychologist will tell you that our mind is constantly trying to make sense of chaos so it creates these relationships and patterns.  It needs structure, part of our primitive brain.  Our primitive brain is what allows Matrixing to fool the believers and gives argument to the non believers.  I just hope one day, one day that science will name this gift I carry and give me answers.  Answers to how this happened to me and why me?  Answers to how people can find their own inner peace, find peace with others.  Perhaps someday science will teach us all of this, or perhaps physics or quantum physics will make all the connections for us.  Until then, here I am, raw, honest and showing you what the misconception is. 

Trust….

Belief….

 

I am crazy

I am a fraud

I am a Medium

I am one with GOD

Name me what you wish

I know where I go to in the end

Do you?

Oh and no, I do not talk or work with Satan.  Satan would not exist if people did not believe in him.  There is nothing Evil about what I do, not if it brings healing.