The Fork in The Road

I remember very vividly an interview with Adam Levine, one that I thought struck me as funny.  He had said, “I am never going to get married, I love doing my own thing too much.”  I remember being that person too, and then I got married and now that is falling apart around me.

I am not sure that marriage is a necessary thing for everyone but I see people who thrive in marriage and other’s who don’t.  I have come to realize that I am craving a true, strong, soul to soul connection.  If we ended up married eventually fine but if not that would be fine too.  I have seen people who have dreamy ideals and others who look at it as a means to an end.  I was looking at it as a means to an end in some ways.  I was alone, scared, taking care of my son, a disabled father and I had no idea how I was going to manage my life at all.  I wanted to run away and I did.  I ran to a wonderful, kind, generous man who made an unforgivable mistake. 

I then thought we found a solution but we didn’t.  It was just impacting me in a way that made me doubt my self worth in general and not trust my own heart at all.  I met a friend, very accidently.  It sounds like some romantic fairy tale and that can happen, even in friendships.  We go in to something expecting one outcome and getting another.  I went in to get a tattoo and left with a friend.  Someone I find to be very much a symbol of all the things I am inside, a reflection of me in ways.  He has made me see, with out saying a word, that I was lying to myself.

I think the world of this new friend, so much so I probably give him more credit than he is used to.  Being a mirror to someone is a weird and wonderful gift that we never really realize we do.  As I have said I am a tattered patch work quilt, filled with torn pieces of broken dreams.  I am still warm and useful.  I am not a solid quilt and I am sure I will find more pieces and connect with others that will help me rebuild the beauty of my life.  For the first time in a long time I feel like I have it all in front of me to put together.  I feel like my life is an endless possibility of laughter and happiness.  This isn’t an easy transition but a much needed step out into the world of, “here I am!” 

As my friend said, “take time to figure yourself out.”  I have, I know who I am and what I want.  I want to be friends with someone, hold their hand, laugh, have no expectations, and it would be really cool if someone asked me out to dinner or to just hang out.  Otherwise I will be contently sitting at home working on my family, book, business and self.  I want someone who has their own life, dreams, aspirations and friends.  I will dream of that which may come, I will plan more vacations, spend more time traveling.  I will work on trying new things, who knows, maybe someday I will jump out of the plane.  

The biggest thing is I will be alive again.  That is more valuable than anything else.   

Why do I open myself up to be so vulnerable and honest, because I am a Medium!  I do not have all the answers and I must learn my lessons also.  I have to take the hard road sometimes.  It is a good road though, it builds strength, character and back bone.  

 

This is the year of changes and all of them will lead us to positive roads.   

Opening our hearts up to the endless possibilities that are around us allows us to find the true joy in living.   

I love you my dear friend and am so thankful for you in many ways.  I know you have said the same to me, the appreciation but sometimes we never really know how we impact each others lives.  I see your walls and I ignored them and you reached past the, “I’m great where I am at” wall and made me long for something different.   

Life is short, and we need to remember to teach our children to live it beautifully and embrace all the people who come into our lives.  From a 15 minute consult to what I hope leads to a life long friendship, I am grateful for my Raven, the bringer of messages. 

 

(Please note I did not make any edits to this post so any spelling or grammatical errors are here for the pure emotion in which it took to write this BLOG.)