Spirituality and anger

I fight with Anger. I constantly fight with ANGER. It truly is my arch nemesis. I don't know why I am so angry or why I blow up at little things sometimes. I believe it stems from childhood, I was always the quiet one, I did what people told me to do, but I also, in someways, got things I wanted. Because I was so quiet, if I wanted something, it would be provided, but that was all material, NEVER emotional.

I still expect if I ask someone to get a pair of pants on my daughter they should know where they are and other locations to look, not just stop. I mean if I can not find jeans for my daughter I check her changing table, every drawer, so yesterday I snapped at my husband, calling him names. Last night I yelled at my son.

I wonder why or where this built up anger comes from. I know some people would say that I need to talk about things that are bothering me but I do. I am not silent by any means. So where then?

A lot of my anger comes from frustration with the universe. With God, we all get angry at God don't we. He is supposed to help us resolve our problems. I have been waiting for one of us to get a job, for one of us to find a nitch, for one of us.... We try, so I think, "I am a good person why?" Anger that things are not better, I want them better. However, I am concentrating on the material and the physical with this anger. Anger is purely ego centered. "Why me?" or even "Why NOT me!"

As I become an ordained minister, I think to myself, what goal am I trying to achieve? I am trying to grow myself spiritually, keep my connection strong to Jesus and God. The holy spirit to guide me through life, to hear the words of my relatives who have passed. To help me make the right decisions, whatever they might be. I just simply need to refocus. REFOCUS and stop worrying about the small things, like if my son stays up past his bed time, he will suffer in the morning from that decision, let him learn a little what consequences he faces. I do not need to yell. If my husband can not find the jeans for my daughter I do not need to yell, I simply need to show him where they are.

Why we have anger is ego centered and the best of us feel it at times and are engulfed with it. We eat it up inside of us and let it destroy our souls, our being. Anger serves no purpose. I am working very hard on reducing my angry outbreaks. All of us are trying to fight ego. All of us struggle with these emotions that are attached to all that happens on earth. It is our job to grow and learn. Trying so hard to adapt to this earthly world.