The quick version of my story

It started when I was born:

 

My mother was told there was no heart beat.  They put her under and pulled me out. 

I was two months early.

I would not let them keep IV’s in, they had to actually put them in my feet.

I fought to live and lived to fight the good fight.

We lived in a house with spirits, it was subtle thing, voices, foot steps, and then, it got crazier, voices, bugs, demon dogs, but that is for another chapter.

I lived, and fell into a bit of a depression

Wished the Aliens would take me

Wished the Native American drums I heard during the summer was a summons

I just wanted to go home

I awoke one night, from a terrible dream, only it wasn’t a dream and I knew it.

I cried and begged my mother to let me skip my cousin’s Birthday party, I was attacked by a dog in the dream.  PLEASE MOM

NO, go, it’s a Pizza Party, no dogs. 

I go

Then I go to my cousins

THEN, it happens

I am attacked

I was brought up into a light

I was finally home

The light said, “you have work to do, you have to go back.”

There was no pain despite the amount of damage the dog did, I felt “okay”.

I was brought into the hospital and well, I survived.

When my mother arrived she would cry and apologize.  I told her, “It could be worse Mom, I could be dead, why are you crying?”

Then, life went on and the activity got more intense, again, another chapter.

I started reading Tarot at 8 years old to understand what was going on, read up on paranormal, wicca, witch craft, psychics, mediums, and anything I could get my hands on.  I was trying to learn but I was very lost.

I felt betrayed by God, by Jesus.

I sat, one night two black stains developed on my ceiling, one that looked like a peddler carrying a sack and next to him a cross, it was Jesus.  I yelled at him a lot.

Anyway, I did cards for friends and family, friends of friends. 

I stopped, I started, I met other Mediums a few years back, 7 now, they told me I had to let go of the cards, I had to embrace who I was and my purpose.

I have,

I will

But I still yell at Jesus,

I still want to get the world to hear the truth

About spreading light and love

I also know the day I go home I will be blessed

But I want to be here a long time, with my kids,

My grandkids

But I spend an awful lot of time over there

In my dreams

Astral projecting

I hate it here

The only thing that makes it bearable is the work I do

The peace I bring

The gifts I share

And my children

And the souls I meet that I loved so deeply in past lives

My sisters, my brothers, my mothers, my fathers, my guides, my cousins, my lovers

I love them all just as deeply in this life as I did then

Though they might think that was crazy

They don’t remember

But I do

I remember every single one of them

If I could bring them back to the moments we had

They would remember to

Love each other

Love others

You don’t have to like them

Just don’t hate

It hurts too much

 

I was about 5 or 6, Notice how brown my eyes are, I did a regression once and now I have green and gold in my eyes, I took a piece of me back. 

Things I don't know how to say

Memories, I think I have touched in on past lives before.  That instant connection you feel when you meet someone.  I had that once with a fellow writer. 

A few things happened to trigger this sadness in me today....

1.  I went to the doctor and finally got a chance to find out what this 19 year medical problem could be.  I went to call my Mom to talk to her and well, she isn't on the end of a regular telephone.
2.  I sat down to write, writing, my blood, my breath, for many years was shared with someone once.

When I wrote my fictional story there was always a man named Jonathan.  Jonathan had dark wavy hair, olive skin and blue eyes.  I wrote about him all the time, mysterious, dark, deliciously sweet.  I wrote because I was alone, I wrote because I needed an outlet, I hated my life so I made one so perfectly filled with adventure and sex that I could not ask for a better world to occupy my time.

Then one day, I find him, Jonathan.  Online I find this man and he loves to write, he used to be a model in California.  He looked exactly like the Jonathan I wrote about.  He is Jonathan when it comes to his looks but to boot, he was a writer.  He wrote like me, we started writing stories together and we were always in sync.  We would challenge each other and write each other in corners to see if the other could get out.  He was for a while my muse.  I loved him for all that he represented at that moment in my life.  He was my book in real time.  It was crazy and surreal.  Part of me wonders if it all really happened.  I can't find him anymore.  I sometimes wonder if I manifested him and he was never real.  ha ha

Well we finally met and hit it off just as well online, on the phone and in person.  He called me sweetly seductive and I thought that was cute.  He had a way with words and a way he could look at me, see into me.  We had one day, one night and that was it.  He was gone, he called and talked about selling out and moving here with me.  He had a friend that said he could get a good deal on condos around the town I was in.  He said he never would love another like me.  Then of course, the facade shifted, he was gone. 

Why am I posting this?  He was part of a past life, a past life where I got passion right, maybe not love but passion right.  We were a team, he and I, in the past we made a wonderful team, but this life, well, we could be no further opposite than ice and flame.  HE was my muse, my memory just as he is now. 

I write this because I still feel him.  To this day when I sit down to write I can hear him whisper in my hear.  I can still smell his cologne, and feel his fingers against my skin.  I still hold my breath and you know, his soul is a part of my soul.  Our souls are so entirely intertwined with some of our past loves, past siblings, past lives that we will still feel them here.  I think sometimes people forget that we are all truly connected, not just in a 3 degrees of separation kind of way.  Many of our souls are united, and we come back to hang out with our old friends, maybe make a few new ones, find our sisters, brothers, loves, enemies and still spend time with those we have lost and loved.

If Jonathan showed up on my door today I would hug him.  I would ask him where he has been, invite him in for tea.  Write with him and laugh with him.  Though the one thing we both said we would never do together again is go out for Chinese.  (insert smile here)  We need to remember that every life, every person that crosses our path is there for a reason.  It's okay to miss those who were only meant to be on the journey with us for a moment.

So Jonathan, wherever you are, I miss you.  I miss writing with you and telling stories that could never be.  I miss the laughter we would share and the way you would whisper my name with your deep voice.  "Ccceelesste,"  the t only a hint on your lips.  I laugh because though I am married now, part of you lives on inside of me.  I would love to find another soul like yours, one who creates that passion to write with them.  I miss you my muse and every time I write about a Jonathan, I make sure they have one day and one night. 

Strangers in the night,
passing softly,
praying for the light,
knowing it was over,
long before it began
death never kept
The soul from
Finding those
It most longs for
Long before we began
It was over
300 years ago

AOW

Miss you my friend. 

Souls, they are a tricky thing.
People say hearts are what connects us, creates love, but I truly believe it is our souls journey. 

Growing your Garden...

I often equate spiritual growth with growing a Garden, sure some Gardens can appear to thrive with little work but truth is, everything takes a little work, you can't plant roses among weeds.  So here is my thing....  What is the fertilizer in these Gardens....

There is a lot of things, and I may have posted this before but I let spirit guide the conversation....

One of the best fertilizers out there is forgiveness and it is one of the hardest to achieve.

I admit this is a fault I own and I despise in myself.  I have a hard time forgiving those who have hurt me and though I can use the words and explain why it is so important, my heart letting go is harder than scaling the tallest mountain for me.

I do not take lightly people hurting me because I try not to hurt others, but if you hurt me I try to hurt you.  It is an unhealthy relationship that I have with hurt, stemming from my childhood.  I am sure this is a lesson that spirit is trying to pound into my thick skull as they often put people in my life who are out to take from me and hurt me. 

I forgive humanity for having ego and being broken in their lives.  We have no control over the things that have happened to us and those things which cause negative reactions from us.  However, what we can control is apologizing when we are wrong and trying to forgive others when they do something that hurts us.

One of the things I was told is people do not do things to you, they do things for themselves and sometimes that will hurt you.  We come to a point that we can NOT forgive those who have hurt us if we can not forgive ourselves for being hurt.  WHAAAT?!?!?!

I know right, I think we all know this though.  I really think we know we need to forgive ourselves for being human.  Especially when we are trying to be closer to our god and our spiritual selves.  We try so hard not to hurt others and not allow others to hurt us.  WE ARE HUMAN THOUGH!  WE are NOT pure spirit any longer.  As long as we reside in this body, we have a wall of emotion to contend with. 

It's okay though, it's part of our journey and we need to forgive ourselves and apologize to others.  Humility is a beautiful trait.

So how does your Garden Grow?  What is your greatest struggle with forgiveness?

WOW

So I had a friend in the spiritual community that got hit by hard times.  I decided to have her put on her pay site that I would do up to 25 readings at $20.00, all proceeds go to her.  Those were the numbers that spirit gave to me.  As I have been giving the readings the feed back has been amazing.

I don't know what it is about being a Medium, you can do this day in and day out but you still wonder if you are going to get it.  I think it has to do with the amount of negativity we face on a day to day basis.

I don't defend my gift any longer.  I tell people they can believe or not believe.  I will not take on a challenge or play games.  Spirit will warn me if you asked me to say the word "petunia" and I won't.  My guides prevent me from dealing with that small minded nature.  To prove I do what I do isn't about using a catch word, it's about speaking words that touch your heart.  It is about you hearing what you need to heal.

This week, not only am I helping a beautiful friend but getting such lovely reminders of why I do this.  Life, it is a beautiful thing, embrace each moment with those you love.  After all, we never know when one will leave us.

How does your Garden Grow?

I am hoping to finish my book in a year.  Let's see if I can get her done.

A question I have heard a lot

Question:  Why are not all my readings the same?  Why do answers vary when I ask questions?

            There are several things that cause readings to vary from Medium to Medium.  The one thing I always tell people is to know who you are talking to, what is their skill set exactly. 

A Psychic:  Someone who works intuitively, they work with what they perceive or feel about a person.  Often times this is them able to read the individuals energy.

A Medium:  Speaks with those on the other side or in other realms as some say.  So we talk to the dead and to those who have not yet lived on earth.  Mediums can bring through characteristics of those you loved and Angels, guides, etc.  A Medium can also be Psychic, which is where the term Psychic Medium came from.  I work intuitively as well as work with your guides, Angels, etc to give you the best reading possible. 

There are different types of Mediums also but I am not going to get into that here as it has little to do with the question at hand.

            So let’s take this another way and say you went to two Mediums and spirit came through and gave you different information about the same situation that is contradictory.  Here are a few things to remember when you get a reading.

1.      FREEWILL:  We are allowed to create our own happiness or unhappiness, we make choices and every choice we make can affect our lives.  That being said, choices others make can affect our lives.   So let’s say at one reading they say you just met the man of your dreams and you have a good connection, at another they said he isn’t the one.  First of all you probably had that feeling by this point but two he could have cheated, he could have been swayed to cheat or he found someone else which wasn’t in the cards previously.  That brings us on to lessons.

2.      LESSONS:  We are on this world to learn lessons.  No decisions we make are either right or wrong.  We are supposed to learn, so if we choose not to learn we make the same choices over and over again.  Because of the choices we make we change the outcome of situations in our lives.

3.      TIME:  Doesn’t exist on the other side, the idea of them tell you, “Thursday July 21, 2015 you will get an answer to…” is not going to happen.  So this leads to confusion in some information at time.  Spirit exists mostly in the now and at the moment of the reading the information given to you is accurate.

4.      INTERPRETATION:  Guess what; speaking with spirit is like playing that game telephone.  They give me information, whether it is through images, words, feelings, sensations and I have to interpret what it means. I am known for saying, “I am not sure why I am being show a pie but I am going to give it to you.  You do what you want with it.”  Spirit often gives me things out of context and I am supposed to make sense for you.  I am supposed to tell you what the symbol of a horse means to you when I know nothing about you or your Grandfather.  Sometimes you don’t even know until months later.

5.      PSYCHIC VS MEDIUM:  People do not always know how to label what exactly they do.  Many have to simply read up and try to figure out what skill set they have.  A Psychic often works intuitively and so they pick up on YOUR energy and sometimes will read your hopes and desires, especially if you are a good at manifesting what you want in your life.  Sometimes the line between what you want and what is happening can become blurred.

6.      LEVEL YOUR WORKER IS AT:  Every single Medium and Psychic I know starts from somewhere and ends somewhere on their journey.  I don’t want to ever say that one is better than the other, just some work with different beings and work at different vibrations.  I take that back, I will say some are worse, those who make everything negative, trying to hurt you should not be worked with.  We all should be working to help you reach your best potential.    

7.      WHO ARE WE WORKING WITH:  The spirits and beings on the other side are all at different vibration levels and are working at healing themselves?  Whatever lesson they did not learn here they will relive and have to figure out over there.  Everyone is at a different vibration and can be more objective.  Sometimes they have been known to guide someone in the wrong direction in hopes that a lesson that is meant to be learned is taken care of.  They are there for your highest good and that means sometimes pushing you into a situation that will require you to learn and heal. 

8.      MEDIUM OR PSYCHIC (HUMAN):  How long have they been doing what they are doing and what is the skill set they have.  Are they having a good day?  Have they had a recent upheaval in their lives?  Sometimes we are not on our game, we are not perfect, in fact, and we are very human.  A good psychic or medium will not charge you if you feel like you have not gotten anything.  In fact, if the answer isn’t what another person told you, you should say something like, “can I have more clarification on this topic, last reading the answer was slightly different.”  You don’t tell them exactly what the other answer was but see if you can get more information with out telling them everything.

9.      SPIRIT IS NOT A PUPPET SHOW WE DON’T CONTROL THEM: After I do a reading, at the very end, I always ask, “Do you have any questions that were not answered in this session?”  Spirit, when working with a medium, gives what they feel is the most important information according to what is going on in their lives right now.  So perhaps you want to know about your new relationship but spirit knows you need to start looking for a new job or you are going to be out of one.  Not being able to financially support yourself is more important than whether your hot co-worker is going to ask you out.

10. FRAUDS:  They are out there, and some of them don’t even realize it fully.

TRUST THAT SPIRIT WORKS FOR YOUR HIGHEST AND BEST

Any other questions, ask me.

Copyright 10/15/2012

Celeste Lamarre-Vernale

Celestial Messages

The loss of my mother

I forgot to update the lost off my Mother.  She died August 28th, 2012.  It has been only a month since she left, the emptiness I feel is quite numbing and yet at other times I am fine.  It is Halloween time and a favorite time for me and my Mom.  We have been looking at houses and reality is setting in that my Mom won't be here for that.  I am feeling quite a bit of emptiness lately but when I yell at her for something, like I have to deal with probate now, I will instantly smell cigarette smoke, and none of us smoke in my house.  I know she is around but man it sucks not to be able to pick up the phone.  My step-father's cell phone still has my Mom's voice on the voicemail, sometimes I call it just to hear her again, and then I cry of course.  No one really has any idea how much I am hurting, I try to look strong and move on with my life.  I think that is all any of us can do.

Momma, I love you.

Did you hear me?

As a Medium or a therapist one of the hardest things is watching someone get what you are saying and cry because the truth is resonating and then nothing.  We watch you fall and make the same mistakes and come back crying wondering why you aren't moving forward.  Spirit tries to guide with kindness and love and many of the people in this world UNDERSTAND the concept but have trouble putting it into play.  I of course am no less guilty of such things than anyone else who sits before me.

I have had clients come time and time again, spirit gives them warnings and then they are angry when their life goes to hell.  I can empathize with the emotions they are feeling but I can not understand why they do NOT take responsibility for their own actions.  It is your fault that life just kicked your ass 6 ways to sunday.  It is no other person who caused this on you.  I do not want to hear about how people abused you, hurt you, or generally stepped all over you, I get it, been there, felt it but I am fully responsible for what I do with myself when I move forward.

Spirits message the last few days; "Take responsibility for your own life."

Just do it....

How does your garden grow?  This time of year, sometimes a little slow.