Saturday, August 22, 2015

We expect a lot as a bunch of runaways

You would think that a country built on people running from their home land to avoid religious persecution; we would be more free and open to others opinions.  The only thing that our forefathers took with themselves is the feeling of them being right and others being wrong.

So we killed the natives.
We stole people from their homes and enslaved them.
We denied marriage, equal rights for all and yet that is and was the exact thing we were trying to run from.

I question the integrity of the human soul at times when I see others hurt. 

I question the integrity of the human spirit when we say others are less worthy of food, shelter or money.

I question the integrity of the human condition when we allow humans suffering on the streets with their children.

I question the integrity of the human mind who feels money is more important than kindness.

I question the integrity of the human ego, oh wait, no I don't.

Our souls are meant to be compassionate and yet I hear political arguments about whether we should supply money or food stamps and how those people shouldn't be able to buy certain foods.  YET, no one wants to teach them to live on their income and/or teach them how to purchase healthy foods and eat right for less.  Can they even do it these days?


How much would we benefit if Human Services became Humane Services and taught people the benefit of gardening, healthy foods, how to shop on a budget and make your money stretch.  How to plan meals and help your children with homework, or even the basic concept of loving oneself so they have a desire to better themselves.

Instead they run away, some to drugs, others to depression, anger, blame, and we could change the world if we lived off the principle of guidance and help.

If we became HUMANE services not human service.  If we serviced the entire person and not just the symptoms of their suffering.

Lead a horse to water and you can not make him drink, but if you give him the tools to find his way to the water, he will surely drink and appreciate it more.  This is not a model for all, but for most.

Growth is about tools, evolution is about tools, yet we keep running away and blaming.

Also, stop laughing at The People Of Walmart, do you know their story?  How dare we judge!!!!  Let them be themselves, let them have mistakes, let them be who they are with out fear of persecution, isn't that why our forefathers came here? 

When do we stop the persecution and start the humane services.

Reconciling my Emotional Bank Account

I have spent YEARS reconciling my emotional bank account.
I am constantly trying to own my own emotions.

EBA= Emotional Bank Account a record of all of the emotional deposits and withdrawls you have made.  Including the why you felt that way and how you feel if certain events happen to you.

How many times have I told you and even myself, "No one makes us feel a certain way, we feel it ourselves."  They do not demand we feel betrayed, forgotten, lost, alone, angry, hurt, sad, broken hearted, happy, joy, peace, emotional bliss, etc., etc., etc.

We have been conditioned through life experiences to react in certain ways to events.

WE created a reaction to let downs, to words, to behaviors and we created these at an age where all we have is reaction, with little logic connected to the process.

The ego was strong, yessss?

So I go through and I do this reconciling of my emotional bank account. 

I do this systems check so to speak, "why when I hear laughter from my comedy do I feel fulfilled, yet as soon as I am off the stage I feel like I am no good?"


Why because, not just with Improv or Standup, not just with Mediumship or Spiritual Guidance, not just with Kickball or Softball, not just with Birthday Parties or Summer Outings but lots of things I was created to feel not good enough.  My entire life was trying to live up to others expectations and living in the fear that I would fail them.  So many times I would reach them but was still told I was failing them somehow. 

When you grow up in a house where you are stuck between a mother who loves you and tries to build you up and a father that is not present but willing to tell you what is you have failed at, you grow up feeling self important and yet useless.

Such a contradiction of emotions and a struggle that is real. 

I am sharing a TON of personal information and there is a point.  This isn't really about me because I have reconciled my EBA (you can use that term too) but more than that it's an on going process.  Just like anything else in your life, we have to maintain our EBA.  We can't just buy our pets food for a month, it's a committment.  We can not just pay our bills when we feel like it, we have to committ to the process.  (Though some of us have struggles and can't pay things just to make ends meet, please do not judge yourself, please be at peace with where you are.) When we are born it is a life long committment to being the best we can be.  Some choose to embrace this and others run from it and blame the world.

I think our EBA is the most over looked area of our lives.  What if I asked you for a moment to think back to when the last time you were angry at someone?  Could you define why?  Not the situation that made you angry but the deep down core to the trigger that made you angry?  Did they let you down AGAIN?  Did they seem to talk down to you?  What was the core and how far down does that core go?

I try so hard to step back and check in with my EBA when I get angry.

I can say there is one truth about me that I struggle to change.  If someone lies to me I can not forget.  I can forgive but I will never let you in my life the way you once were.  Surface may seem fine but inside you broke the glass menagerie that is my heart.  You took a chip out that can not be replaced and I will not allow myself to be subject to that again!  WHY?  Because my entire childhood was a lie and when I found out about that lie in my 20s I grew angry.  So angry that I wanted nothing more then death.  I remember telling my mother that I believed that God made a huge mistake leaving me hear when I could have easily had that dog kill me when I was eight years old.  I remember the event like it was yesterday.  I was watching the entire event from above my body and as I was hanging out in Heaven I was told I had to come back and had work to do, I was angry.  I spent most of my life into my late 20's being angry and blaming the world.  I didn't like me then and I certainly would never want to live that way again!

So I spend a lot of time working on my EBA.  I spend many days questioning my reaction, where does it come from and how do I change my trigger reaction to similar events.  I do this so I can be a better human for one and two so people have less power over my good day. 


So how does your spiritual Garden Grow?