Ramblings

I often like to go outside and look at the stars.  Sometimes, I like to squint my eyes and imagine I am part of the stars.  I mean I suppose in a way we are, technically but we aren't are we? 

Someone once said, "wish I could live forever."  For what?  Even the brightest stars will someday loose it's light.  That star will be forgotten, even planets can become removed and with in a few generations there is no mention of that planet again.  Things change and that is the only constant we have.

We try to make sense of a world that is senseless.  We are trying to put definitions to everything, "I am sitting in a chair, I ate a cookie, I drank milk."  We try to define people, "she is crazy, she is pretty, she is smart, he is cute."  These definitions are a way to make sense of things.  We define our life with the idea of birth and death.  We are born therefore we live.  This is not true, I know a ton of people who were born but don't truly live, don't you?

Life is about more than definitions and so is death.  Everyone wants to define death, everyone wants to make sense of tragedy, everyone wants to find a way to fix things to their benefit.  We all do, we try to manipulate this thing called life into manageable, function able chapters.  Chapters like, "first heart break, loss of first pet, dealing with teenagers, divorce, marriage, birth of children, living with out children."  I mean seriously millions of chapters we write, but the only way to write them is to live them.  We have to live each moment with no excuses and no exceptions.  We have to view the world in a moment by moment basis and not try to give such large definitions, not try to make sense of a little moment on a big planet.  Maybe it isn't such a big deal after all.

I am not a big deal, I try to pretend that I matter in the dark of the night.  That somehow, when I look up at those stars I am part of the greater cosmos.  In the grand scheme the importance of me is minimal.  HOWEVER, the importance of me in the spiritual world, in my life, the lives of those around me is huge.  In order to stay grounded, to stay focused, I need not worry about the definitions and I need to instead focus on the moments.  Each moment brings something beautiful, the ability to feel.  I used to wonder if stars had feelings, when they are ready to burn out do they think, "I wanted to give more light."  Do they feel the pain of burning up.

I mean we assume plants and rocks have no feelings but is it true.  What about rocks, trees, vegetables?  When I pick a tomato does it appreciate it's purpose or cry out in pain as it is ripped from it's mother plant?  I know it sounds weird but on a spiritual level all things matter and are one.  Perhaps I often take it to the extreme.  I always have since I was a kid.

When I was little I would lay in bed and try to imagine what the smallest of small things in this world would be.  Could something be smaller than an atom?  A nucleus?  Can something be smaller than a germ?  How small do things get.  I would imagine things folding in on themselves getting smaller and smaller until they disappeared but then I realized, nothing really disappears, it just keeps getting smaller.  So I imagined that there is a negative space where the smallest of smalls has folded in on itself a few doze times and is now in a new place.  That is how I imagine death, folding in on myself until I am in a new space, that is reverse, negative, opposite of here now.  Not tangible, earthly, defined by words and features but free of.....

Just some thoughts, would love your thoughts in response.