I don't pretend

I can't sit here and pretend I have all the answers for you.  I would never, it isn't who I am.  I am not perfect, I have faults but unlike many I know, I wear mine out for the world to see.  My blog isn't about fixing you, it's about helping you to think and go outside your box or confirm the contents of your box.

I live each day just like the rest of the world.  Each day I wake up and thank MY god for another day.  Each day I grumble and grown about the troubles I have.  I have family troubles, I yell, I scream, and I get angry for no reason.  I cry, I fall to the ground asking why me and let's face it, knowing is not as easy as being in this world.

Truth is we all come into this world to learn, to learn how to be more at peace and some of us never really get there.  I have no plans on coming back for a one millionth life (he he) but I do plan on doing what I was meant to do when I got here, TEACH. 

When I was fifteen I started looking into Metaphysical colleges, they didn't really have them at that point.  I looked into understanding who I was.  I was blessed that for me I started searching early. 

Now, I have been given a very stressful existence, all work, no play makes me a dull girl....  I am so focused on working and making money in this world that it is driving me bonkers and making me a bit stressed.  I am learning, slowly through this last year, how to breathe and enjoy each moment I do get. 

We are all learning, tending to our gardens, finding new weeds. 
These gardens are massive and just when you think you got one area just the way you want weeds may sneak back in and you go back. 

People often say don't look to the past and stay present.
If we never dealt with something that hurt us in the past it is going to keep coming back, so yes, sometimes you have to face the past, turn around and yell at the top of your lungs.  "I DO NOT ACCEPT YOU IN MY LIFE ANYMORE, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME HAS MADE ME WHO I AM NOW AND I CAN BE ANYONE I WANT IN THE FUTURE." 

I have spent my life being belittled, not good enough, I battle that every day.  Having people praise me honestly makes me uncomfortable but it is the very thing someone like me needs to keep moving forward.  I need to remember that I have value in this world.  We all do, we all have a purpose. 

I am blessed with a new group of beautiful friends, like minded friends, my circle has grown so much.  For so long I had NO ONE.  For well over 17+ years I have had only one friend, and she moved to and from the state, so many years I was alone.  I cried, always feeling so alone, until one day I realized, none of us are really alone.

I always said, quality not quantity and to this day, I mean it.  I just didn't know that there was a quantity of quality friends out there.

A friend Theresa gave me a healing bear on Sunday, made me cry.
My friend Peggi from Church, hugged me, I began to cry.
My friend Sonia gave me a card, made me cry.
In the end, I am crying not because I am sad, but am loved so deeply. 

I am blessed in countless ways and every time I laugh, cry and am with these beautiful women, many of these beautiful women, I am healing. 

Be blessed, be loved and tend your garden, because no one else can do the work for you.

(Wow, I made no spelling errors, unless the spell check is broken!  he he)