I have been taking classes for Improv. If you have seen things like, Whose Line is it Anyway or even SNL then you know what Improv is. So here is my story about Improv classes and how it ties into spiritual selves and our spiritual garden we try to cultivate and grow all the time.
In the great state of
As many of you know I do not believe that our lives are left to chance and I truly believe that we are guided in directions that our best for us. So how did this crazy idea of taking Improv class fall upon my lap? What drove me over the edge to dare to put myself out in front of a group of people I didn't know and open myself up to the possibility of being around negative people but also very positive people? What brought me to
My laughter....
I lost my laughter approximately 6 years ago. Now this is not to say I NEVER laughed, more like rarely laughed. I laughed at my son at the time but television held no humor, unless I was watching Whose Line is it Anyway. I spent years searching for my laughter, and really thought I just was suffering from a flat affect. Perhaps I was so depressed I couldn't laugh anymore.
Fast forward to about a year ago I decided on a whim to go sign up for Sea Tea Improv's free show at the City Steam Brewery in
Now I am not claiming they fixed my laughter or my funny that had started about two years prior when I started to do my Gallery readings. My galleries are more like a comedy show at times anyway. So what happened? I was led to this show and I laughed and I had fun again. FUN..... Spirit had a lesson in this somewhere for me. Maybe just to stop being so serious and have some fun, to let go again. FUN....
When this happened, as I usually do, I focused in on my target group (Sea Tea Improv) and kept getting their updates. I had a ton of them and didn't pay much attention to them until one day I saw this post, "Intro to Improv" a class. I thought that I want to be someone’s funny, I want to make someone laugh again. I mean I do it a lot with my job now but here I have a chance to get training with some amazing people and by one of my favorite improvers Greg L. So I went ahead and sent my $99.00 and committed myself to 4 Saturdays for the month of June to learn and hopefully laugh.
That is how I got to here, to this point. One of the first few things we learned was the fundamental principles. So here are the first two....
1. "Make your partner look good." In life how often do we complain about our partner or argue with them when they say, "I like xy and z" and we go, "that's stupid, xy and z suck and I prefer" or a million other reasons to fight. What if when someone said, "I am going to take a sky diving class," instead of saying, "wow you must be crazy, I would never take a sky diving class you could die." What if we said, "That is awesome, is this something you have always wanted to do?" You don't have to say, "That is awesome I will come along," unless you really want to of course. This process of learning how to build someone up verses breaking them is difficult. I mean don’t we need more people to think like us? NO NO NO, we need people to be individuals and the hardest part of this life is letting people live the kind of lives they wish to. Help build people up, make your friend or partner look good. However, “DO NOT LIE TO THEM,” the old adage, if you have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all. If you think they are being idiots you can say, “If that is your choice I hope you realize the potential outcomes. I am hoping for the best for you of course.”
"I want to take every Improv class in the world."
"Well that is stupid, what a waste of money. What would you do with it anyway?"
How about….
"Hey that sounds like fun, let me know how it goes."
This goes into my thought process of, “always say something positive.” We don't have to like what people choose but it is their choice and even if the only thing we say is, "well that's your choice, good luck with that." That is enough, we are wishing them well. Of course if you say it sarcastically you are reverting to negative, say it with sincerity.
2. Yes and…. This is a fundamental part of Improv 101, so if your partner says, "We are on a flying elephant in
Now if in Improv someone said, "I am going to rob a bank," you would say in your head yes and then add, "I will grab the water guns." (That is more fun than a real gun right?) The point being is that you are adding to rather than subtracting from. You can't create a story if your characters constantly disagree.
Person A: "Look a plane."
Person B: "No it's a bird."
Person A: "The sky is blue."
Person B: "No it's kind of grey."
Now if you had a friend like Person B I don't think this friendship would last very long. The point is that we should stop trying to contradict each other.
"Honey, can you please tri fold the towels and put them in the cabinet so the rounded side is sticking out?"
What is the better response?
"That is stupid, what does it matter how the towels are put away?"
"I will try to remember to do it that way. I know how much it means to you."
See, who has the less confrontational relationship. If your spouse asks you to do something that you think is ridiculous stop and think. Think, "Why do I think this is ridiculous?" It's simply because that is not the way you do it. Because you don't think it needs to be done that way but your partner does. What is more important to you your relationship or your pride?
So next time you are ready to negate something your partner (friend, lover, colleague, boss, or any communication with others or self) think about what you are going to say. Are you going to lift them up or try to break them down? Is there a good reason to disagree?
“Honey I am going to kill myself.”
“NO!”
That is appropriate but what about the small things.
Examples:
“I wrote this poem what do you think about it?”
Responses:
“You have a lot of spelling errors here, and this line doesn’t make any sense.”
“I can see you were pretty emotional when you wrote this, it’s going to be a great finished piece, I definitely feel the emotion.”
“Hey Sue would you mind just typing these forms up they are due in two hours for corporate.”
Responses:
“That is your responsibility not mine, I have my own work to do.”
Yes those forms are due soon and “Joe I would love to help but I have to finish up the report that they want by noon. If I finish it ahead of time and think I can help I will come find you.”
Think about how you speak to people.
I am tired of constantly being broken down by others and myself. I have developed a bit of a combative communication style at times. I tend to tell people the negative things that may happen. I tend to point out to people what they have done wrong. I don't just do this with people I know but myself.
So next time you communicate, really listen to how you sound. Do you build people up or break them? If you don't agree with them is there a way to say it with out deflating their hopes. "Honey I know you really want to buy 100 lotto tickets to win the money, I just think if you saved that money you might be able to get to that dream vacation faster." Hear what they are saying but don't burst their bubbles, offer them hope and help.
Make your partner look good.
Sooo how does your spiritual garden grow?
You make a very good point. There is a very fine line between being completely honest with your partner and unintentionally bringing them down. I think the breakdown usually comes with complete comfort. When you're completely comfortable with someone, you have less of a filter than you do with someone you're not completely comfortable with. If you have an idea and you pitch it to your spouse, he/she might be more inclined to balk if it isn't the best idea in the world in his/her eyes. It's much easier to just complain and say, "What? That's a lame idea! I don't want to do that." instead of saying, "Hmm, I'll think about your idea, sweetie, and we can discuss the best path forward as a team."
ReplyDeleteIt all stems realizing the effect your words have on other people. You are a team, not two people just sharing the same space. You need to think about what is best for the team, and not just yourself, while keeping your own integrity and sharing your opinions.
I learned this the hard way, through divorce. Now I am more resolved than ever to keep the lines of communication open - while being cognoscente of the effect my words have on my partner.
In life we often forget about what we sound like. I tend to have what I call an all to realistic view of life. So instead of the glass half full or half empty I have to investigate why there is only half of the liquid in the cup. Did someone just poor me a glass of water, has it been sitting there all day and I just happened upon it, did I drink half the cup already or did I fill up a cup with half water because I am getting ready to wash it and don't want what I drank to sit on the bottom? I know run on sentence, wasn't that fun! So being a realist I tend to dash hopes and dreams rather readily and not intentionally. Definatley something I work on but I try to be honest. The trick to being honest is being a hope filled honest person, "I know you want to buy a new car but I think if you wait three months and save some money you might be better off. Not to mention that they will be restocking inventory with next years models so you might be able to get an even better deal and get the extras you want for the same price." Much better than, "you can't even afford your rent how are you going to get a new car." Truth is that everyone has to make their own decisions and we should alway sbe helpful not hurtful with our help.
ReplyDeleteYes and.... You are right, it does become a comfort issue and when you are married or in a relationship you are affecting each others reality constantly and that can become down right aggrevating especially related to financing or raising of children. I constantly say to people, "I reject your reality and insert my own." How do we find that balance? Communication is one of the trickiest things we as human have to work with.