I'mmmmm BACK!!!!

So I am sitting here listening to children play and sitting in the moment.  I am eating my breakfast, which feels like lead in my stomach and trying not to think.

We have all been here at some point in our lives, just trying to survive moment by moment because in a short period of time our entire world is going to be upside down and inside out.

DEATH

I don't care if it is a real death as in your mother dying, or the death of a relationship, dream, hope, whatever dies leaves our bodies heavy.

I am not a super hero by any means when it comes to coping with the daily challenges we face in this world.  We are all human and it is part of the "condition" of being here.  To learn how to cope through loss and some never get it and others seem to balance it well. 

I almost lost my sisters a few times, I have almost lost my own life, I have watched dreams die and my father almost left this world six years ago.  I am here to tell you, now, watching my mother die I can say for certain we are never READY to let go.

It isn't the fact that she is leaving her body that is bothering me.  It isn't the death itself, it is the loss of physicality.  The loss of the dreams I had, her being at the kids graduation, their wedding, etc.  In some ways I am glad I got married when I did, so she could be there.  In the end my kids don't have much family left, one grandmother (step for Brandon), three Aunts (one step for Brandon and two by blood). 

My mother always had the kids over every other weekend or so.  Brandon and his cousin Lynsey would sleep over.  I would swear that those two were brother and sister.  (Insert eye roll and laughter)  But Grandma is a roll, that after that person is gone, is emptied.  What ever will they do, he imagined Grandma there for his graduation, his dreams of her being there forever, gone. 

It is the dreams, the expectations we put on the condition of being human.  We all know we will loose a parent or a parent will loose a child.  There is no way around this sort of thing.  It is the dreams, the hopes, the physicality that we miss.  We must remember they are always with us and near us at all times even after the body dies.

So as I watch my mother transition from her body (which has had a hard life but had it's share of fun) and to what some would call heaven and I will just call life after life, I think, "God I am going to miss you.  Who am I going to call every time I feel low or I have had a tough day."  No matter how spiritual we are, we all suffer through loss.  We will cry and guess what, that is part of the deal we make when we come here, to feel, to experience, the good and the bad.  So just live in the moment, appreciate when your food because a lead weight in your stomach and know that it never goes away, it just changes.

The one answer that gives understanding to many questions.

How do you do what you do?

Okay so here it is, I do not read spiritual books.  I DO NOT read others works and writings.  You will not find me searching over metaphysical books for understanding.  I have always believed that the understanding is built in with us.

SO here are the questions you are going to get answered.

1.  How do you do what you do?
2.  Can I do that too or do I need to be born with this?
3.  Is there such thing as reincarnation?
4.  If there is reincarnation how will my family be waiting for me?

Many of you would agree that our soul belongs to a greater energy other than us.  This energy is part of everything that exists around us, that which we see and don't see.  There is a "GOD" in the sense that there is a greater energy and many call this sort of understanding a "collective understanding."  That being said our entire soul is not made up of the complete energy that we are part of, it would be impossible.  If that were the case I suppose we would all be our own little universes.  OF course we all KNOW someone who thinks they are the center of their own.  ;-)

We can collect into this energy on multiple levels, this is why I can get a read on those who are alive as well as dead.  The reason being is all of our energies are intermingling and connected.

That being said, and this is mind blowing to some, the spirit or PURE ENERGY world does not experience time.  So we are here in body as we are there in spirit.  Same time, mutli dimensional travel exists.  It is not a very easy concept to grasp and that is why many have taken the stance that either we are there or here and  very few are willing to say that we are BOTH HERE AND THERE.

In fact our past lives are being lived as we are living.  Too broad a concept for many of you I understand but lets take it this way.  Have you ever met someone you swear you have known, there is an instant connection, because you have experienced that connection before.  This is how many bad relationships develop because people get wrapped up in the energy that is happening elsewhere (past or future) instead of concentrating on what purpose this relationship truly serves in the present.  I know a lot of huge concepts.

I also know that some won't agree with me.

I also know that this is how I can communicate with spirit and yes when you die the energy of those you loved will be there to collect you.  Initially when you step out they will look like you remembered them this life time and with in a short period of time you are all energy. You do not need to be born with this ability to speak with those who have passed, you just need to trust that all the energy ebs and flows together.  These concepts are deep and hard to understand but read and think. 

Be well and be blessed.

How does your Garden grow?

Changes are coming, the truth behind 2012

Oh the Mayan calendar this and the Mayan calendar that.  The world is going to end just like it did in 2000 and 1999 and whatever other date it was supposed to end.

Truth is, someday this world will end.  All life will shift on the planet, poles will change, ice will melt, we will be underwater while new lands surface.  It is part of the earths evolution and those who are wise enough survive and the people that love the water will be well, under it.

I mean shifts happen, they happen not only in the earth but in our own lives.  This is what 2012 is about.  It is about the shift in spirituality and growth.  So to get there we are going to have to see the ugliest of uglies.  Expect wars not only externally but internally.  Most people are starting to suffer the shift now, it seems like the world is falling in around them.  Guess what, that is only to build a more beautiful you.

I am hearing about more divorces, break ups, children dying, cancers, etc and people have told me that the coming of the end of the world as we know it is upon us.  Well I wonder, if in the 1700s people thought that with all of the death, disease and war.  Of course they did and yet they procreated enough generations that we are here.  Or are we?  That is a discussion for another time.

The point is that it is time to follow our hearts and connect to that which is highest and best for us.  To live the life of a good person, giving when we can, taking the little we need and learning our lessons for ourselves.

Seriously, how does your Garden Grow?  I've got Poppies right now.

Living Life and Remember to Breathe

People often believe that I have things figured out.  I am pretty calm, cool, collected and carry myself put together.  Like every other human being I know I have my ups and downs.  I do not like to post my downs all that much.  I try to focus all that is positive but every now and then spirit kicks you in the head and says, "you need to deal with this."

My mother is dying and I haven't made it over there for a thousand different reasons.  Mostly because to me death is not finality and I figure I will never loose her.  In my head I am trying to understand the process of loosing her.  I am also trying to deal with the fact that she is dying an alcoholic.  It is hard for me to accept the pain she has caused me in my life and it took me years to accept that she has to make her own choices and I can choose when to and when not to be a part of those choices.

I stand before you a product of alcoholic mother and an addict father.  I stand before you a person who refuses to be a victim of myself by reacting to peoples actions as personal attacks.  I still fall on my knees many times, facing failure, facing pain inflicted by my fears and weaknesses but usually with in a day or so I bounce back.  Life isn't about not experiencing the range of motions we have been given but allowing ourselves to move past them.  For example, sadness from yesterday does not need to be sadness with me for a week.  I can choose to move past it and see the positive in the next day.  I can accept that I was given a lesson and move forward.

So how does your garden grow?

FYI Please remember, don't hurt others because you are afraid to ask questions and you judge things based on limited facts.  Unless you live in someones shoes you need to not assume and draw conclusions.

Torture

I have started back on my diet and working out, it is what I call torture.  It is because for every moment I am on that freaking beast of a machine I want to be doing something else.  I do however look forward to the results....  That is what life is about...  What life is about is getting through each moment, struggle.  Some of the best changes come through the most difficult moments in our lives and we do not understand our the benefit of those moments until later.  I am not going to wake up 10 lbs thinner tomorrow (wouldn't that be nice) but in a few weeks, a few months, the changes will be more obvious and I will remember why I did each moment of exercise and went through each struggle.  When people separate or get divorced, they do not see the benefits and how much better their lives are until later on when they meet that right person or develop a new strength in their lives.  When we struggle through the adversity we do not see the light because it isn't at the "end of the tunnel" it is actually even further down the path, it's a new light that renews our spirits and souls.  Be blessed, be blessed, be blessed and tend to your Garden.

Traveling your own path

We all travel our own path, we walk gently at times and we run, searching for the end.  Our travel and path is uniquely our own and we should embrace it.  Just because it is uniquely our own we sometimes think we are alone.  This is not true.  We are always together, connected with others on some level.  We may or may not see these people but they are there walking, running or stopping along side of you.  Just like taking a walk outside you may encounter people you do not know, new people you find a connection with, or cross the path of an old friend.  The journey should be viewed as an adventure and not as an inconvenience.  Though there will be inconveniences, no path is with out a challenge of some sort we need to embrace the journey, those around us, the surroundings and love that which we have with us. 

Someone once said to me that they had no one that loved them, to which I replied, "I love you." To which they replied, "It's not the same."  It isn't?  Love is love is love and we are the only ones who put a definition of how it feels.  I used to say I love my friends the way I love my lovers.  Love is different than sex, when I say I love someone it comes from the most sincerest pure energy that I have inside of me.  Sexual energy we feel for lovers comes from that primal deep throbbing, bass tone in our body.  Love is a higher vibration and is the same no matter who you love.  It fills your heart with joy and happiness. 

Then the balance comes, when you love your friends you do not need to have that bass primal throbbing energy in that relationship.  When you love a partner though you need that.  You need to feel the energy of the Sacral Chakra.  Why is this?  Sex has become a negative in this society, associated with dirty deeds and even those in positive relationships sometimes pull away from this.  There is a need not being fulfilled in a sexless or at least in a relationship where that energy does not pulse at all.  That creates the desire to stay together, to be faithful.  It creates a bond through the energies that is lasting, and can help maintain a pleasurable relationship.  With the right partner this becomes centralized, focused and connected to one person.  If there is a disconnect, usually not just primal but also in the mental awareness then relationships break apart.  I know people who can't commit to one and I often feel that a little chakra alignment can help but it also helps to find the person that is of the same soul, and mind set as you are.  True love will show peoples chakras are almost the same if they do a scan together.  Their auras will balance each other out and not compete. 

Our Journey is meant to be spent giving love to many.  So when you are feeling lonely and feeling unlovable, think of those that love you.  Remember that energy is just as important as the primal energy that you are truly missing.  It is not to say you should stop seeking such energy but you should relish in the love of those around you.  Then once you carry this pure love energy with you; in a bright and beautiful fashion; people will be attracted to you.  You will be able to have that primal energy back with in grasp. 

So how does your Garden grow?  Mine is being weeded out at the moment.  :-)

Sometimes

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you are.

Embrace who you are, every moment, every silly thing that comes your way.  Embrace who you are and who you want to be.  Surround yourself with the people that make you feel the best and remember to be the nut once in a while.