There is nothing that makes death easier, even knowing that there is life after death does not change the hurt and anger that it evokes from a human stand point. I try everyday to make peace with the passing of my mother and so far I have been pretty good, if good means breaking down and crying once a day then I may have been doing great because I cry once a week. I still cry over my fathers stroke because I lost a dad and gained a child.
Truth is, we loose out, we loose a lot, we can't help but be saddened by the passing of the physical body, the part that we have associated with comfort and love. The part that we perhaps have considered the person, who they are, what they are, etc. Truth is, the most important part of them will carry on but how do we live missing the sound of their voice, their laughter, their hugs, maybe their ridiculous stories they told over and over again. We don't really do we? We always have that emptiness but we learn to keep going because we are left with little option because we have others who need us.
I am at a crossroads, watching my mother die. I am waiting for her spirit to be released but truthfully, what am I waiting for? I am waiting for death, the death of the body but life of the spirit. In life comes death and in death comes life. It is quite hard to pull all together.
Tonight, more than any other night I need to be held and told that I am strong and I can get through this. More then anything tonight I need to remember what it was like to be that child, laying her head in her mothers arms while she cried about how her friend hurt her feelings. I need to be that kid that is loved no matter what, not the one who comforts her mother. I need to be the kid who hears her mother say, "It's going to be okay." Even though I doubt her validity to the okay part.
My Mom today said she was very upset this is moving so fast, I told her I agreed. Tonight my mother and I talked about what she really wants when she dies, is one big kick ass party where I will have to pitch tents because people shouldn't drive home. I think that she wants to celebrate her life and perhaps her freedom in death. She will finally be free of all that has hurt her hear on earth but at the cost of many hearts that will be left behind. My sisters and I love her very much and loosing a parent we are close to is like loosing an appendage, we will never grow it back but we learn to live with out it. We learn to live not with out her but her body.
Truth is, even as a medium, even as a person who believes in communication after death, it hurts and it sucks. So don't ever sell yourself short that you haven't fully healed when you lost the person, even if you have had messages from them and felt peace, the physical presence is still missing. We have learned that the physical is the person, which it is not, it is more like the car, it gets you places but isn't the true guide of where you go. Imagine if you got in a car and it just took you where ever, our body is our car but our spirit drives it. When the car breaks down that spirit still lives, in a way this brings joy and peace. So when the persons car is gone we think, "how are they going to be there for us?" They will be, she will be here forever, but in the end, it still sucks.
Don't let tears over death make you feel weak, let it make you feel strong, let it make you appreciate the fact that you loved deeply and remember to thank God for giving you that person in your life to love and promise yourself to live life and walk in joy.
How does your garden grow? Sometimes with tears, sometimes with sunshine, sometimes with storm clouds and laughter.
No comments:
Post a Comment